Weakness of the Heart
by Kissa-chan
Summary: Kana's thoughts following Hatori's injury. Why couldn't she get better? Please R&R!!!


Standard disclaimers apply.  
  
WEAKNESS OF THE HEART  
  
We were in love. They say that love conquers all. We should have been invincible. We should have been unbeatable. Nothing should have been able to come between us. Nothing should have hurt us. Love - we were in love, so why is it whenever I see Hatori I cry?  
  
Kana's hand trembled as she wrote the words. Hatori Souma was still in the hospital, getting treatment for his left eye. The same eye that had gotten hurt because of her.  
She felt tears gathering in her eyes again and angrily blotted them away with the back of her hand. She lowered the ball-point pen to the page again and tried to write something.  
Words refused to come. A dark blot of ink formed where the pen had rested for too long. It wasn't the first ink blot either. The entire page of her diary was covered in dark splotches of ink and fallen tears in various forms of drying.  
"Ha. . . Hatori. . . . " she whimpered his name. She moved her hand and the pen to her mouth, trying to keep her bottom lip from trembling. Trying to keep herself from breaking. "I - I . . . I'm sorr-ry," she whispered.  
Her hand was still shaking. She looked at it, willing it to be still, but all that happened was her already watery vision got blurrier.   
  
Love conquers all. I have got to be strong for Hatori. I can't let this event set me back. I can't let -  
  
She heard the front door opening and the pen spilled from her shaking hands. It hit the diary page and rolled to the floor, landing with a soft plop. Kana didn't notice though. She was already racing down the stairs, taking them two at a time in her haste.  
Hatori stood in the doorway. He looked weary. Across his left eye was a cream colored bandage held in place by two thin strings. The events leading up to his injury flashed through her mind.  
"We wish to be married." She could barely keep the tingling excitement from herself as Hatori spoke those fateful words. She managed to keep her excitement to a small smile.  
Akito Souma, the head of the family, and the one person who's consent they needed, turned slowly to face them.  
He moved so slowly that the sudden burst of speed he suddenly exhibited caught Kana and Hatori off guard. The young man's hand lashed out, knocking a wooden table away from him and sending the heavy vase of roses flying straight at Hatori.  
As he moved he yelled, rage unrestrained in his voice and actions. "No! I will not allow it!"  
The vase struck Hatori. She had moved a little bit, uncertain about what to do. Hatori had dropped foreword, bracing himself against the floor with one hand while the other went to his cut eye.   
The blood seeped through his fingers , splattered by his hand and Akito's rage seemed to vanish. He took a tentative step foreword, his voice coming low and concerned. "Hatori, what's wrong?" he asked. He reached hesitantly for Hatori. "Hatori. . ." he whispered.  
Then he stood up and spun towards Kana in rage once again. "Ome no seda! If Hatori loses sight in his eyes, it's you fault!" he screamed angrily. He pointed a trembling finger at her while he yelled.  
She had raised her hands. Her fault? How was it her fault? She looked at Hatori, taking in the blood. Her eyes were wide. She wanted to move, go to his side, but fear of Akito and fear of what was happening left her rooted to the spot.  
Behind her she heard the door open, but it was distant. She heard someone speaking, but she couldn't hear anything but the sound of Akito's angry voice.  
"Let me go! Let me go!" Akito raged as whoever had come through the door seized him and pulled him away. He was still flailing wildly, a livid expression of hatred on his face.   
"You can't even lift the curse! We don't need the likes of you!" he shouted at her, the intensity of his rage frightening her. She couldn't stop listening to him. He was fighting to get to her physically, but mentally nobody could restrain him but herself. She covered her ears, trying to blot out his words, but her eyes wouldn't close. They stayed locked on his face, reading the blame that he placed on her.  
"It's your fault! It's your fault! It's your fault!" Akito ranted. Kana took a tentative step towards Hatori, trying to get to him.   
He looked up, one hand still covering his eye, a look of sorrow marred his bloody features. He was hurt. . . . ome no seda. . . it's all your fault. . . . Aktio's words rang through her mind.   
It was her fault that he was hurt. Suddenly she couldn't bear to look at him. You didn't hurt the person that you loved. She covered her eyes with her hands and wept bitterly at her own weakness. How had she failed? Why hadn't she protected him?  
"Kana?" Hatori said softly. He reached for her shoulder and she pulled away, looking down as she did so.  
"How are you f-f-feeling?" she stammered. It was difficult for her to focus on what he was saying.  
"Kana. . . .about this. . . . I'm fine. . . . " his voice trailed off. His fingers clasped her chin lightly, forcing her to look at him.  
Determined to be brave and conquer everything that stood between them, she looked up. The patch across his eyes made her eyes water. "As long as I don't look I'll be fine," she told herself. She shifted her gaze to his hair.  
It was darker then it usually was. Curiosity chased away her uncertainties for a moment and she reached up, fingers brushing his hair. It was damp.  
It took a moment, then she remembered the blood. He'd had to wash his hair to get the blood out. He had wet hair because she had been too weak. She pulled away from him and raced up to her room.  
Her hands were over her eyes and she was crying. She was crying so hard. Horrible, unwanted sobs wracked her body. She could here Hatori coming after her.   
"Kana, it's okay. I'm fine. I - " she spun around, catching a pained look on his face, but a forgiving look.  
Relief flooded her body. He didn't blame her. She flung herself foreword into his arms, tears flowing from her eyes freely. "Please, just hold me and let me cry . . . ." she whispered softly.  
A plume of smoke rose into the air accompanied by an explosion. In her anguish she had forgotten the cardinal rule of their relationship. Never hug. It turned him into a dragon. Well, actually it turned him into a seahorse, but that was okay normally.  
Today nothing about the transformation was okay. She didn't - couldn't - stay. instead she raced away, tears flowing.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
We would have been. . . . better off never meeting. Hatori and I. . . . .it would have been better if we had never met. It would have been better if. . . . .  
  
The pen fell from her fingers. "Hatori. . . ." she whispered his name. "I'm sorry. I'm not strong enough. I'm not strong at all. . . . "  
It had been several weeks since they had asked for permission to marry, but nothing had changed for the better. If anything it was getting worse and worse.   
She couldn't sleep anymore. Whenever she closed her eyes the incident repeated again and again. Over and over. And like a skipped record, Akito's shouted words kept repeating during her waking hours.   
She stopped eating. The food was too thick to go down anyway, and her throat had stopped working. She could barely swallow. She knew that she was losing weight. She knew that Hatori was worried. She knew that he wanted her to be okay, but no matter how hard she tried, no matter what she told herself, she couldn't even begin to get better.  
  
I love you, Hatori . . . . . . More then I can bare. . . . I love you . . . .   
  
She wrote the words without thinking. The words were too true. If only she loved him less, then she knew heart, body, and soul that she would get better. But she couldn't stop loving him, and she couldn't stop blaming herself.  
She placed the pen down and stood, noting her rumpled skirt. Hatori had called for her. She had been avoiding him as best as she could, but he knew. He knew all about the headaches that plagued her, the nightmares, the lack of . . . life. . .   
"We . . . . would have been better off never meeting. . . ." she said as soon as she saw him. She regretted the words, but couldn't do anything to take them back.  
". . . . .better off. . . . .never meeting. . . " she repeated.  
She saw the tears that glimmered in his green eyes. She saw the pain that her words inflicted. It made her want to cringe. She had already hurt him - why did she have to keep hurting him? Wasn't it enough that he was nearly blind out of his left eye?   
She was kneeling in front of Hatori and he was on his knees facing her. Outside their was snow falling in an endless stream.   
He put his hand over her eyes. Shielding himself from her pain-filled, wide eyed gaze.   
She raised her hand to his, their fingers entertaining.  
Kana felt tears leek out of her eyes and race in hot rivers down her cheeks. "Hatori. . . . ." she whispered his name. ". . . Forgive me. . . . I wasn't able to protect you. . . . forgive me. . . "  
His hand tightened around her and she heard a sharp intake of breath come from him.  
In that moment she knew. Knew the answer that had been plaguing her mind since the day with Akito.   
Relief flushed through her body even as her memories slipped away. Even as she forgot everything that she had shared with Hatori she felt relief.  
  
They say that true love conquers all. They say that nothing could come between true love. They were right after all. She did love Hatori. She loved him with all of her heart and soul.   
So why? Why was she unable to recover from Akito's words? If true love conquers all, then why wasn't she recovering?  
The answer was simple. Nothing could come between true love except true love itself. The one and only thing that could separate love was the weakness of the heart. The inability to inflict harm on your loved one. The guilt that came with hurting Hatori and the feeling of unworthiness that was nearly impossible to destroy.  
She, Kana, suffered from that weakness. She didn't feel that she deserved Hatori's love anymore, and that ultimately drove them apart.  
  
She felt the newly acquired thoughts slipping through the grasp of her mind like water flowing through a clenched fist. The feeling was liberating. She felt the guilt slip away along with her love. A blissful, white nothingness was left behind and she remembered no more.  
And in the cold room with the large windows, in the dark, Hatori Souma wept for the loss of his love's returned affection. He wept for his inability to protect his love one and he suffered from the weakness of the heart.  
While Kana had chosen to break apart, he chose differently. Instead of dissolving he froze. His heart held on fast to his love for Kana. Her memory was engraved on his heart and soul, and he swore never to let it go.  
  
~owari~  
  
Thanks for reading  
Kisa-chan 


End file.
